The following is an excerpt from the opening summary of the book proposal.

THE HERO EFFECT will be a book for anyone who has ever wanted to intervene for someone in a moment of need . . . but didn’t.

Every day we read or hear in the news of individuals deeply affected by inappropriate, unsafe, unhealthy, and offensive behaviors. Often, though surrounded by people, these individuals have been abandoned to become victims of the abusive actions or words of the ruthless and cruel members of our society.

In these moments, each observer has a momentary choice: to do nothing and be a bystander or to intervene and be a hero. Herein lies the problem: most choose to be bystanders and blind themselves to the occurrences around them. The world, humanity, needs more of us everyday, ordinary people who choose to be heroes.

While the book will applaud altruism, it will make clear that heroism is very distinct from “doing good” and will call for more courage and bravery in the world (Appendix B). Written from both theoretical and practical viewpoints, this book will help people conceptually understand heroism and confidently practice it.

It will include real stories about real people, both heroes and bystanders, who have experienced success or who have struggled with taking action in problem situations. It will be an inspiring and introspective look into what keeps us from getting involved and what it's like when we actually do, as well as why some step in and others stand by. We will also hear from real victims of inaction — the ones left wanting for protection, safety, and dignity (Appendix A). 

Stories will be pursued from people like Mayor Corey Booker, who jumped in a burning home and saved his neighbor; Coach Mike McQueary, the former coach at Penn State who witnessed child rape; Scott Cooksey, a Carnegie Foundation finalist for pulling a person out of a fire; R. Umar Abbasi, the New York Post photographer who witnessed a man dying on subway tracks; Mike and Colin, two fraternity brothers who experienced, and then stood up against, hazing; Joel Diaz, who witnessed people standing up to homophobic comments aimed at him and his partner; Karen, a mother who stood up to bullying from her daughter’s teacher (Appendix C); and others.

With the reader now clear about the problem and inspired to solve it, we distinguish the seven strengths we all need in our own moral character to be a “hero in waiting.” Taken from the list of 24 character strengths developed by the Positive Psychology movement, we identify the seven core traits to a foundation of heroism: curiosity; kindness and generosity; fairness; social intelligence; hope; valor and bravery; and integrity. We make this conversation real by recalling the stories shared in the previous section and providing the reader an opportunity to assess their own qualifications and preparedness.

Having done this character work, the book will then offer a solution to the problem of bystander behavior and a practical access to being a hero: a framework of three actionable tools, termed “T3,” to use throughout our lives to intervene and make the difference for others . . . and for ourselves.

The book concludes with an inspiring story of heroism and how one man’s actions created a legacy of support and caring for so many. Each reader will be powerfully called into action and challenged to build on their strengths and practice the tools they now have.

Click here to download the complete proposal. 

Mike offers his perspective to these questions and challenges us all to be careful in using the word "hero" to describe those we look up to.

Click here to access the blog post The Banality of Heroism that Mike refers to in this video — it shares more depth into this conversation.

Would you like to live in a world where all people are being protected, loved, taken care of, and stood up for?

Unfortunately, this is not the world we live in now. 

So, to create a new world, we have to build a movement.

We need people everywhere to start their own local Every|Day Hero Campaign.

The mission is simple: to empower people in a community, organization, school or company to take the Every|Day Hero pledge and adopt it as their mantra for making the difference they already want to make.

Since we launched our national campaign earlier this year, we have approved over 35 local campaigns — check out some of the most recent ones:

However, I will argue that we don’t talk enough about the third party to hazing — the bystanders. While we are certainly shining the spotlight this week on hazing, it’s also important to include other often related problem behaviors like bullying, alcohol and drug abuse, sexual violence, discrimination and everyday life issues. By including these, it’s safe to say we are all bystanders. We have all witnessed problem behaviors in our lives and, while there have certainly been times where we intervened, there are way too many times we didn’t.

We stayed silent. We laughed along. We walked away. We participated. We froze.

When it comes to these actions — or inactions — from ourselves and others, I refuse to believe this is what we actually want to do in that moment of time. I refuse to believe that we don’t care and want to make the difference for those being impacted. I refuse to believe that we don’t know the difference between right and wrong. I refuse to believe that we don’t want to intervene in problem situations.

And, I refuse to believe that every single one of us doesn’t want to be a hero for others, for organizations we love, and for issues we care about.

I choose to believe that we do care and that we want the best for each other. I believe that every person has values of love, compassion, caring, respect, and acceptance — and these act as our moral compass. I believe that we really do want to intervene and make the difference for others — to keep each other safe and protected — to show dignity and respect.

And, I believe we all want to be heroes.

We are all committed to being a certain kind of human being in life and there are actions we want to take as a demonstration of who we say we are and want to be for others. In our own respective and unique ways, we actually say “this is who I am and this is what you can count on me for!”

So, here’s the question: do your actions in life match what you say? Is the “you” that shows up in life — especially in critical momentary situations — a match for who you say you are and the commitments you have?

If I gave you a hypothetical scenario — one where someone was in trouble and needed your intervention — and asked you what you would do, would you say you would intervene in some way? I believe you would. I believe we all would. If you take all the reasons, justifications, excuses, doubts, fears, and rationalizations away from the equation, we all believe that we would intervene in that situation. It’s the noble thing to say and this matches who we say we are in life. But, not so quick.

Let’s look at the Penn State child rape and sexual abuse case — already one of the most layered cases of bystander behavior. I actually refuse to believe that Coach Mike McQueary is an awful villain, as many have made him out to be. I believe he really did want to immediately intervene when he walked into that shower and saw Jerry Sandusky sodomizing that 10-year-old boy. Yet, what he did and didn’t do became water cooler conversation for days — many of us being armchair quarterbacks for what he should have done.

Here’s my take: what happened to Mike McQueary happens to all of us — our alter ego takes over. There is the person we are all committed to being in life. Then, in the reality of a situation, there is the “you” that shows up in that moment of time. Unfortunately, it’s not the “you” that you wanted to show up. It’s a “you” that lets fear take over. It’s a “you” that listens to your naysayers, even to your own internal voice. It’s a “you” that does nothing — or doesn’t do enough.

I believe most of us are no different than Mike McQueary. We are no better. While we want to believe otherwise, we don’t know what we will actually do in the reality of any momentary choice. We simply want to believe we will do what is right.

How do I know this? What evidence do I have? As I travel the country and speak, I invite audience members to text me and share their stories. I have received thousands of stories on the impact of bystander behavior — as a bystander or as a victim to others being bystanders. The stories are heartbreaking. So many of us have had at least one moment that made a lasting impact and mark on our lives — one that we have never forgotten. One that we have never forgiven ourselves or others for.

To the positive, I have had conversations with many of these same people and they share that they do care and they do want to do what is right. I also receive texts, emails, Facebook messages and submissions on our website where people are now taking actions that match their values — they are actually intervening in problem situations. Many of them share they literally would not have done what they did without hearing the message of the RESPONSE ABILITY Project and holding themselves accountable.

I hope you are now asking, “How do I have my actions match who I am committed to being in life?” Great question!

I want to provide you the three critical tools I have put together as a framework for being equipped and empowered in life — no matter your age, roles in life, or gender — to make the difference you want to make and to be a hero. These are three life skills you can use for the rest of your life — in any moment when you say there is a problem.

To get these critical tools, go to the top of this page and take the Every|Day Hero pledge. Once you take the pledge, you will immediately receive an email from me with a link to download a PDF of the three tools and also view a special training video I have recorded.

In closing, I refuse to believe you don’t want to make this difference. I refuse to believe there is anything you want more than to live out this pledge in your life. Go ahead, try and convince me otherwise — I just refuse to believe we are anything less than caring, loving, extraordinary human beings who just want to make the difference for others, for our organizations and for issues we care about.

I refuse to believe.

This is what allows me to totally believe in the good in all of us.

During the event participants worked through curriculum that was geared towards helping them identify the thing(s) in life that they have a passion for.  You could say that the experience and curriculum even helped them identify their purpose.  With that, we worked to help participants understand how to activate on that purpose/passion once they knew what it was.  This is where the participants learned to put the steps of handshakes leading to conversations, conversations leading to relationships, relationships leading to collaboration, collaboration leading to organizations and organizations changiing the world into effect — Social Excellence.

It was incredible to see what transpired in individuals during this event.  To see so many people leave ready to make a difference.  To change, maybe not THE world, but at least go and change their world.  The world that mattered to them.  That was something incredibly special to be a part of.  After all of the participants had left, I went and ate lunch with Vince Fabra before leaving town.  As Vince and I walked to and from lunch (yes, for those of you who know me, it was at Chipotle) past this building site that was being torn down I remembered when we first arrived in Chicago seeing the building WHOLE.  It was complete.  It had been someone’s business.  In a matter of 4 days, what was once someone’s passion, purpose, love, life had been relegated to dust.  An empty lot ready for someone else’s dreams to become a reality.

All of us, as individuals and as our organizations, have a purpose.  A reason for being.  Too often, many of us have great ideas, passions, and purposes that we choose to pursue and further, but sadly, oftentimes, over a course of a few days, weeks, months, years, we lose that idea, passion or purpose.  We get sidetrack by all of the other “stuff” that goes on from day to day in our worlds.  We lose our focus due to tasks that we think matter and must be completed instead of completing the bold actions that will continue to breathe life into our true passions.  THE world, gets in our way.

Maybe it was the emotional high of coming off such a great experience, or maybe it was just having the “fat happys” after scarfing down that carnitas burrito, but I had to pause as we walked past the building the second time.  It made me think of all of the participants who were headed back home to change their world.  I thought about how one’s passion can fade away from focus and how quickly change can be made, often by one person choosing to shake someone else’s hand.  Mostly though, I hoped that the participants would be the ones making change and not allowing change to happen to them.

I hope for them that they have continued to pursue what matters to them.  I hope that they are shaking hands and creating relationships to further their cause.  I hope that they aren’t waiting to activate.  I hope that they haven’t been sidetracked by THE world.  I hope their daily to-do list hasn’t gotten in the way of their life’s to-do list. I hope for them — and for you — that you see NOW as the time to be making the change you wish to see in your world and your organization.

Are they, are you, bringing people together now around your passion, your cause, your organization?  Because if there’s anything I know about our fans, friends, and followers it is that they are high quality people doing high quality things.  I know that what you have to offer other through your passion, purpose, cause or organization is something that would be appealing to others and that others would want to join you.  I hope that your building isn’t currently being torn down due to inactivity, but instead you are working to construct your own building, the place that will house your passion and purpose.  The place that will be the headquarters for changing your world and maybe even changing THE world.

I came to Tampa from Chicago, where I spent four days with an amazing group of students and professionals at BE THE PERSON | 2012. Throughout this experience, I witnessed the best of humanity. My fellow participants engaged in true acts of selflessness and generosity, from simple things like brightening someone's day to spending time listening to the stories of homeless people over a hot meal.

I go out for dinner and drinks with a couple of colleagues tonight. We go to a great local Greek restaurant. The atmosphere is lively. The food is good. The service is amazing. I spend a lot of money on dinner and drinks. A lot. But, we have a great time.

We're walking back to our hotel, and pass a homeless man on the way. I want to stop and offer help, but I don't. I keep walking. We get to the hotel, exchange goodnights, and I go to my room. I start thinking about my experience at BE THE PERSON. I begin to feel guilty.

I decide, at the very least, I should get this man some food. I'm certain the CVS near the hotel will be open, so I put my shoes back on, head downstairs, and depart the hotel. On the way to CVS, I pass another homeless man asleep on a bench. I feel sick to my stomach. I just spent all this money on a night of pure fun and pleasure — completely unnecessary — while these two men are spending the night outside in the rain. Something is wrong with this picture. I can pretend that I've earned my place in life, but I know that's not true. I was born into privilege. I am ashamed.

I get to the CVS, and it is closed. I am frustrated, but remember that a Publix is about five blocks away. I keep going. I arrive at Publix, and it is closed as well. Now I'm really frustrated, but even more committed to finding some food for these men. I head back toward my hotel.

I stop at a bar along the way to find out where the nearest gas station is located. It's not within walking distance. I'm losing hope. The bar is still serving food, so I decide that's my best option at this point. I get four orders of chicken tenders to go.

I walk back toward my hotel. I deliver two orders to the first homeless man. I try to engage in a conversation with him, but he doesn't want to talk. That's okay. I keep walking. I head past the hotel to the second man. He's asleep. I wake him up to tell him I have some food for him. He's grateful, but clearly tired. I tell him I'm leaving the food under the bench he's sleeping on. He thanks me and I leave.

I am sickened. I am sad. There are a million thoughts running through my head right now. One is that I'm so freaking privileged and I take it for granted every day. I whine and complain about the dumbest s**t while people live in the streets.

Another is that I work in higher education, a field with great power and resources. We talk a lot about social justice and social change, but in reality, we do very little about it. We pay a lot of lip service. I own this for myself and for my profession. We like to talk, but only occasionally walk.

We have a problem. A systemic problem. This is not news to me, nor likely is it news to you. But because of my experiences over the past several days, I have a hightened awareness of it. I feel slighlty better about giving these men some food, but only slightly. It's a band-aid where surgery is needed. I am still upset.

There are members of my own family who I hope do not read this, because their reaction to my reaction toward this great inequality would probably upset me more. But I must react. To not do so is inhumane.

This is a real-time, stream-of-consciousness post, so I have no solutions. I have no answers. All I know at this point is that I have received a wake-up call. I intend to answer it.

Let me know if you want to answer it with me.



This is a re-post of Jason's original post on his personal blog.  Jason had big breakthroughs for his life and his cause at BE THE PERSON — we invite you to follow his journey.  Jason is also one of the facilitators for the PersonalPower interactive workshop — a program of the RESPONSE ABILITY Project.

While Loyola served as a beautiful host location, the real classroom was the streets of Chicago.  Over 1/2 of the event took place on sidewalks, on the "El" train, around major landmarks and amongst tourists, on the gorgeous shores of Lake Michigan, and in real interactions with the people of The Windy City.  The stated objectives of the event, designed for students and professionals involved with college campuses, were as follows:

After a powerful combination of Social Excellence and Every|Day Hero focused learning is experienced, participants will leave BE THE PERSON | 2012…

• Emotionally shocked and reacquainted with their true personal purpose and values.
• With the social awareness, self-confidence, and personal power to intervene in problem situations and be an Every|Day Hero.
• With a written plan to deeply matter to the world through social engagement, connection and organization.
• Prepared to lead revolutionary change in their communities.

These objectives were met and thoroughly exceeded because of the courage, engagement, and creativity of the participants who very much created their own learning experience. Leaving BE THE PERSON | 2012, participants were in tune with their own journey to find their life's cause and to use that cause to create real change.  Participants didn't just learn and plan, they ACTED upon their cause and got started with the hard work of changing the world.

Some highlights of the 2012 event included:

• Level II RESPONSE ABILITY Facilitator Certification led by Drs. Alan and Gran Berkowitz
• A "Flash Mob of Kindness" to feel the power of generosity
• A "Social Excellence Journey" through the city of Chicago via train (stopping at Wrigley Field, The Bean, The Watertower, DePaul University, and more)
• A panel of "Social Excellence Superheroes" from organizations that are changing the world
• Mindfulness meditation on the shores of Lake Michigan
• A $5 Generosity challenge ("Here's $5. Use it to create a story with new friends. See you in 2 hours.")
• "Into The Streets" opening challenge the minute participants arrived
• Nightly bedtime stories that taught important lessons
• A "flipped" classroom with lessons taught via text and video

See a full album of pictures from BE THE PERSON | 2012 by clicking here.

See the powerful closing video used at the event exclusively by clicking here.

View the inspiring videos featuring the participants of BE THE PERSON by clicking here.

Express interest in attending BE THE PERSON | 2013 by clicking here.

We are more than our bodies, emotions and thoughts.  When I see someone that needs help, and my body moves into action, I have feelings about what I am seeing, and thoughts about what I should do.  But the impulse itself – to do something, to help, to care – where does it come from?  Is it a learned behavior, or is it something innate?  Wherever it comes from, it requires that we notice it and that we listen to it.  Our emotional, mental and spiritual health requires that we come to terms with it.

Personally, we would answer the question by saying that we are complex beings with two aspects.  One is what we could call “soul” or “higher self” and the other is our “everyday personality” or “lower self.”   There is something in us that transcends all that we know that comes from the space-time world that we live in and there is an everyday personality that vacillates, worries what others will think, and can’t always decide if it should act. 

Another way to answer the question is to say that we have “core values” or a “conscience” overlaid by a set of learned behaviors and habits.  However we answer the question – and it is the question of a lifetime – we can agree that there is something inside us that goes deeper than the surface and that it demands our attention, recognition, and cooperation.  If everyone lived by this inner imperative the world would truly be a different place.  And if we live by this imperative, we can help to transform the world into the world that we would like it to be, a world that lives by and expresses the deeper values and “soulful” qualities that are our human birthright.

One can even say that when I do not listen to and act on my deeper values that I am being “a bystander to myself.”

We encourage all of you who read this to incorporate into your lifestyle practices of self-inquiry and self-knowledge, whatever they may be.  It could be making a time for quiet reflection each day, journaling, a meditation practice, or being alone in nature.  Whatever it is, it should be something that helps you to dig deeper into yourself, to get to know the unknown within, and to find the place where our desire to help comes from.

The theme of the upcoming event co-produced by the RA Project and Phired Up Productions is “BE THE PERSON.”  Who is this person?  For sure, it is a very “Socially Excellent” person, a person who is not afraid to step in and be an “Every|Day Hero.”  We encourage you to spend some time getting to know this deeper person, to disconnect from the outer, the everyday, from the distractions and from the myriad of things that continually grab our attention and pull it outside -- away from the inside.  We are sure that if you got to know this person, you will like her or him.

Have a wonderful journey.

Alan and Gran Beatriz Berkowitz will be presenting a day-long workshop at the upcoming BE THE PERSON | 2012 event in Chicago.  They are both psychologists with an interest in the spiritual dimension of human behavior and in their work teach others to apply values, ideals and spiritual ideas to daily life.  Together they are writing a book on bystander behavior that will explore these themes.  Gran Beatriz and Alan live in Mt Shasta, California.   For more information on their work and activities go to www.callinghumanity.org or www.alanberkowitz.com.

Alpha Sigma Alpha National Headquarters, Indianapolis – 

Alpha Sigma Alpha is excited to announce two new programming partnerships for the 2012-13 District Day events.

Mike Dilbeck, Founder and President of the RESPONSE ABILITY® Project and the Every|Day Hero™ Campaign (which Alpha Sigma Alpha is a sponsor of), will provide a keynote session to all District Day attendees. The event will continue with group discussions and programming related to the Project and being an Every|Day Hero in our communities, organizations, schools, workplaces, campuses and families. Mike’s program will help all members of Alpha Sigma Alpha understand how to have the power to dramatically influence a negative situation by intervening, and how to make responsible decisions to prevent negative behaviors and situations in the future. This keynote will allow all District Day alumnae and collegiate attendees, the opportunity to become an Every|Day Hero that positively impacts themselves and others. 

Mike Dilbeck said, “I am thrilled and honored to be able to bring this message of empowerment to so many members of Alpha Sigma Alpha. This message will transform how each person relates to making the difference – through action – in a critical moment of time.”

Also at District Day 2012-13, a career track for graduating seniors and young alumnae will be offered. Alpha Sigma Alpha is excited to partner with JobBound Training Solutions to offer the program, Translating the sorority experience: The insider’s guide to landing your first job. This program is designed to assist sorority members in making their experience as a sorority member relevant in any job opportunity. The program covers topics such as résumé writing and tips on networking and interviewing, while featuring the skills and experience gained from being a member of Alpha Sigma Alpha. The career track will be a three-hour course during the afternoon portion of District Day and will be open to graduating seniors and alumnae who have graduated in the past three years.

“District Day, which collectively reaches more members than any other sorority event, is the perfect venue for these new relevant, member-focused programs. Cultivating our members’ personal and professional development is a key priority of Alpha Sigma Alpha and I hope all of our members – collegians and alumnae choose to join us for District Day 2012-13,” said Cindy Kelley, ΒΠ, national president.

More information regarding District Day registration information and schedules will be made available in the summer issue of the Phoenix of Alpha Sigma Alpha and on the Alpha Sigma Alpha website.

###

About Alpha Sigma Alpha

Alpha Sigma Alpha sorority is dedicated to developing women of poise and purpose. Since its founding in 1901 at Longwood University in Farmville, VA, the sorority has grown into a strong organization consisting of 167 collegiate and alumnae chapters and associations nationwide. For more information on Alpha Sigma Alpha, please visit www.AlphaSigmaAlpha.org.


CONTACT:

Erika Butts
Communications & Marketing Coordinator
Alpha Sigma Alpha
(317) 871-2920
ebutts@AlphaSigmaAlpha.org

In her piece at Forbes, “Trayvon Martin And The Failure To Intervene,” Kashmir Hill tackles the killing from a different angle, one that I hadn’t seen previously and that encourages us to think critically about the role played by numerous neighbors. Her conclusion:

I think social media is a powerful tool for action, as seen even now, in ensuring that Trayvon Martin’s killing gets the law enforcement scrutiny it deserves. But I do hope that it doesn’t worsen the bystander effect, and that if I am in a situation where direct action is needed right then that I have the courage and the momentum needed to overcome the urge to call someone else or tweet about it, and instead to act. And if I’m the one yelling ‘help,’ I hope it doesn’t fall only on ears pressed to mobile phones.

This sounds right to me.

But I think we probably ought to complicate it a bit, as the 911 operator does, in response to the schoolteacher: “'Hindsight is 20-20. The whole thing happened too quickly. You weren’t the only one that heard… Many other people in your neighborhood called,' says the dispatcher.” And then a bit later, “Calling 911 was the best way to help this man.”

This also sounds right to me.

The challenge is to figure out when it’s appropriate to thrust oneself into the middle of a potentially life-threatening situation and when it’s appropriate to call those who are trained to handle such possible emergencies. There is no obvious rule that governs such a decision and making the wrong choice could mean grave harm to oneself and to others. Walking outside and confronting George Zimmerman might have saved Martin’s life; it might also have led to another death. We can’t say for sure. Would it be heroic to intervene? I think so. Might it also be foolhardy? It might be.

In her piece, though, Hill compares the failure of neighbors to intervene on Martin’s behalf — and, of course, the famous failure to help Kitty Genovese in New York in the 1960s — with a successful intervention she witnessed:

A few years back, I was picnicking one evening in Tompkins Square Park in New York’s East Village, when a gang of people pushed a young man down onto a concrete sidewalk and started kicking him in the face and head and body. There were other scattered groups of two or three people in the park and for a few moments, we all stared in horror at what was happening. Then my male friend started shouting, “Stop that!” and running toward the group. Others joined him, and the gang immediately stopped and wandered off. It took just one person to voice opposition and break through the bystander effect.

This is a good example of someone breaking through the instinct to stay safe, to remain a passive bystander. But it might only be a good example because it worked; it wouldn’t be a particularly good example if the members of the gang had drawn weapons and started shooting at the people who were attempting to intervene. As the 911 operator says, “Hindsight is 20-20.”

None of this should be read as indictment of someone who attempts to intervene but fails to accomplish his or her aim. It’s simply to say that there are various ways to do the right thing. I’m very hesitant to criticize the people who picked up the phone and called the police when they heard someone outside calling for help because I think they had the right instinct; that is, they exhibited helping behavior.

To do more would have been heroic — especially insofar as it might have saved a life. To do less than calling the police would have been blame-worthy — especially insofar as it required no effort and no risk. This, I think, is what the bystander does. He or she watches a situation unfolds without acting. But these people who called the police did act. We might want them to have done more than they did because we want the killing not to have happened. But we can’t expect it from them.

Ari Kohen is Schlesinger Associate Professor of Political Science and Director of the Forsythe Family Program on Human Rights and Humanitarian Affairs at the University of Nebraska—Lincoln. He teaches courses in the history of political thought, as well as on topics related to human rights and restorative justice. Kohen also co-hosts a weekly podcast on heroism, the topic of his current research.  His blog, Running Chicken, is principally devoted to human rights, political theory, and pop culture. It’s poultry in motion.

Zeta Tau Alpha Fraternity for women continues its ongoing efforts to encourage values-based decision making with a $20,000 grant to sponsor the local affiliate program of the Every|Day Hero Campaign.

This grant from the ZTA Foundation will provide the tools and resources that campuses, communities, organizations and companies can use to promote their own Every|Day Hero Campaigns, including instructional videos; timelines, templates and graphics; and online interaction with other local organizers.

The Every|Day Hero Campaign is a program of the RESPONSE ABILITY Project, a national initiative that addresses bystander behavior and promotes intervention. ZTA incorporates the RESPONSE ABILITY Project video into its award-winning risk reduction program, My Sister, My Responsibility. The Every|Day Hero Campaign urges individuals and organizations to use values as their compass and take actions to foster positive change.

“We are proud to take another step toward eliminating risky behaviors and empowering people to do the right thing by funding the Every|Day Hero Campaign for local groups,” said ZTA Executive Director Deb Ensor. “Creating the change in an organization, campus or company has to start at a grass-roots level. We hope many groups will take advantage of these new tools and use them to promote real heroism based on values.”

“ZTA's commitment to this campaign and its message is extraordinary,” said RESPONSE ABILITY Project founder Mike Dilbeck. “This sponsorship will ensure that individuals have free resources and tools to create their own Every|Day Hero Campaign for their organization, campus, community or company."

Zeta Tau Alpha was founded in 1898 at the State Female Normal School (now Longwood University) in Farmville, Va., and has 159 active collegiate chapters and more than 215,000 members worldwide. One of the nation’s largest Greek women’s groups, ZTA develops members’ leadership, academic and service skills, and supports breast cancer education and awareness as its national philanthropy.

Well, first of all thanks to the MANY people who are already registered.  We’ve been blown away by the amount of people who want to share in this unique experience.  If you would like to join them, register here.

Meanwhile, allow me to provide a little insight into this event…  Let’s start with four learning outcomes…

After a powerful combination of Social Excellence and Every|Day Hero focused learning is experienced, participants will leave BE THE PERSON | 2012…

• Emotionally shocked and reacquainted with their true personal purpose and values.
• With the social awareness, self-confidence, and personal power to intervene in problem situations and be an Every|Day Hero.
• With a written plan to deeply matter to the world through social engagement, connection and organization.
• Prepared to lead revolutionary change in their communities.

This event came about through a wonderful friendship and partnership with Mike Dilbeck and the RESPONSE ABILITY Project.  Exactly as our Social Excellence book describes, we shook Mike’s hand, engaged in conversation, built a meaningful relationship based on trust over time, realized we had shared passions, collaborated, and organized to create this exciting event.

We’ve been working closely with Mike to build a truly one-of-a-kind experience.  Here are some things we’re planning for June 3-6 in Chicago.

All participants will be treated as magnificent, knowledgable, capable adults who have the potential to lead meaningful change in their community and in the world.

The real learning of the event will take place “in the streets.” Literally.  Our classroom will be the neighborhoods, people, culture, and energy of Chicago.  From Michigan Avenue to the strong nonprofit sector of the “Second City,” we’ll take Phired Up’s lessons of Social Excellence and RESPONSE ABILITY's Every|Day Hero message and experiment with it in intensive real-life learning situations.

We’ll all be staying on-site, sharing rooms, building community, and deeply caring about one another.  We’ll work to create a concentrated experience of connection, relationships, and shared passions.

Everyone will walk away with the ability to gather others around the messages of Social Excellence and being Every|Day Heroes within the collegiate communities in which they live, learn, and work.

We have capped the attendance to make sure we create an intimate learning experience for people who truly want to dive head first into Social Excellence and becoming an Every|Day Hero.

We deeply believe this event will help prepare people as modern LEADERS for today’s society.  We think it will help people discover a new level of confidence in the way they interact with the world. We think it will allow people time to build a personal plan to make a mark, leave a legacy, and change the world in whatever way they want to.  We think it will help participants with membership recruitment, organizational image, innovation, and community relationships.

When our team at Phired Up and Mike Dilbeck starting talking about this idea, we realized it could fail.  We realized people might not be interested.  We knew that it could embarrass us, or we could easily screw it up.  But then we remembered what we teach others.  Take action, don’t just talk.  Do something important.  The right people will show up, and magic will happen if you do it for the right reasons.  So, if you know people who would like to help us create this experience by being a participant, get them registered a.s.a.p.

By the way, we accidentally scheduled this event at the same time as another awesome event that you might be interested in.  The Gathering from AFLV is an event that members of our staff have attended and rave about.  So, you should know that’s going on too, and we strongly support AFLV’s innovative programs like The Gathering.

I've had the exciting, empowering, humbling opportunity to be part of a team of students and staff that is bringing the Every|Day Hero Campaign to Emporia State University and the community of Emporia, Kansas. I want to share with you my experiences thus far in our efforts to spread the Every|Day Hero message, in hopes that some of you will take on the important and rewarding responsibility of leading campaigns in your own communities. As the first university and community to adopt the campaign, Mike told me we would be the "Guinea pigs" for this movement, and he was absolutely right. It has been a whirlwind of an experience, and I am both more excited and anxious with each day and each development in the process.

When Mike first shared the Every|Day Hero concept with me last fall, I instantly connected with it. I had a feeling he was on to something big. I pitched the idea of using the Every|Day Hero message as the foundation for a student leadership institute some colleagues and I were planning, to both bring the message to our students and to help set the stage for a successful national campaign launch later that month. The leadership institute team jumped on board, and two outstanding colleagues of mine, Mary Shivley and Taylor Kriley, developed the curriculum. One hundred ESU students participated in the institute and took the Every|Day Hero Pledge on January 9, 2012. And just like I did, they instantly connected with the campaign's message. It was amazing. But we knew we needed to do more.

At the end of the day, I asked if any students would be willing to plan a campus campaign for early February. Candice Brooks stepped up to the challenge. She volunteered to be campaign manager, and led the way by sharing her own story on the Every|Day Hero website. Says Candice, "All of us have the capability of being an everyday hero." She and a few fellow student leaders came together, and in the span of a few weeks, developed the first campaign week, which they hosted at ESU February 6-10. They promoted the website, encouraged people to take the pledge, and distributed "hero challenges" to passers-by at the campaign table. The ESU Associated Student Government got involved by hosting a campus open forum to explore ways to improve our community, and they are using ideas generated from the forum to set priorities for the year. Emporia State University President Michael Shonrock has even joined the effort by taking the pledge and publicly supporting the work our students are doing with this campaign. 

Listen to ESU President Michael Shonrock's 3-minute radio testimonial below.

As the campus campaign planning was under way, I began thinking about launching an Emporia community campaign. I reached out to Mary, and she agreed to help lead the effort. To be quite honest, I didn't really know where to start. I just knew it needed to happen. Mary and I brainstormed and came up with a game plan: hold an informational meeting, invite a bunch of people, tell them about Every|Day Hero, have Candice talk about our campus efforts, throw out some campaign ideas, and see who bites. We paid $50 dollars to rent a conference room at our community arts center, and sent email invitations to about 30 community members, roughly half of whom I know through my involvement in Rotary, and the other half who seemed appropriate to invite. We invited the mayor, the police chief, the sexual violence and child abuse victim advocacy group, the community drug awareness organization, some university members, and the local media, among others. We decided to focus our campaign efforts in three areas: marketing (spreading awareness about the national campaign, promoting the website), education (connecting people with existing community resources, developing new programs to create more heroes), and recognition (highlighting heroes in our community to serve as role-models for others).

Within a couple days of sending the invitation, I received a call from the radio station asking Mary and I to do a 15-minute segment on the campaign. About a week later, we had the informational meeting. A small group of about 10 people showed up, but everyone there connected with the message. Another week later, I got an email from the local newspaper asking Mary and I to come down to their office to film a segment for their weekly web video show. The word was spreading.

The word IS spreading. We are in the midst of what I hope will bring our community together in a new and different way than anything else has before. I had no idea this would take off like it has. Candice, Mary, and I will be hosting more informational meetings over the next couple of months, generating more interest and getting more people on board. We're literally making it up as we go, and I don't always feel like I know what the next move is. But there's one thing I know for sure.

This campaign must be more than a flash mob — a brief meme producing a burst of coordinated actions that quickly end, sending us on about the day. No, this campaign cannot — must not — be a fifteen-minute walk of fame. It must be a never-ending journey, a quest for each of us to individually pursue heroic lives and collectively work to create a better world. It will require sacrifice — of time, of energy, quite possibly of money, most certainly of any self-doubt that you were born to make a difference.

We cannot stop at taking the pledge. We must live it.

I was with a group of friends as we pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car to wait in line to order. As we stepped towards the line, we noticed the entire line staring behind us, watching two men run after each other. As we turn to look, we notice that one individual is beating the other man with a chain. We started to take in what was happening, and noticed that while the man being beaten had fallen down to the ground, the other man was still relentlessly beating him with the chain, into a state of unconsciousness.

My first reaction was disbelief. I couldn't even fathom something like this happening. It wasn't a bad part of town, nor was it extremely late or in a dimly lit parking lot. Instead, there were about 15 people standing in line in a well-lit area, and many more taking advantage of the drive-through, but yet failing to take action to help prevent this situation from occurring.

My second reaction was to ask if someone had called 911. Several of my friends with me also wondered the same question. As we tried asking around, no one seemed to respond. I had never called 911 before, but after the initial shock of actually dialing the infamous 9-1-1 number, I managed to make sure they had police and paramedics on the way to the location. It turns out, after talking with the dispatcher, someone else had called just about 1 minute ahead of me to alert the police to the situation. I felt relieved that I wasn't the first call to emergency services; at least someone else managed to think ahead as well.

The rest of the event isn't nearly as important as the phone calls placed to 911. I did nothing extraordinary. But what popped in my head, as I dialed 911, was that I didn't want to be a bystander. And clearly, someone else, about 1 minute ahead of me, felt the same way. My group of friends all decided that we needed someone to call to seek help, and I happened to have my phone out, so I did.

"Response Ability" isn't always about saving a life, or doing something to make the front page of the local newspaper. Instead, it is a movement designed to help us constantly think about how we can take action to prevent a situation from getting worse. And that is what happened Friday night. Someone else ahead of me didn't want to be like the rest of the people pulling through the drive-thru and more focused on watching the event unfold, than take action to intervene.

If we keep discussing the importance of removing barriers to becoming an agent for change, those around us will know how to act in situations similar to this. The first step others will do is to seek help, or intervene to help prevent a situation from deteriorating. As I told Mike, "it's crazy how after you hear of the RESPONSE ABILITY Project so much, it is what comes in your mind in a situation...it shows the impact it is having."

So keep talking about it, so we can keep having an impact!

As we all hear the word "hero" used from time to time, have you ever asked yourself the question, "What is a hero, anyway?" Since the idea for the Every|Day Hero Campaign came to me last summer, I have asked that question many times. As I inquired into this more, and have spoken to many people about this, others also came up for me:

• Is a hero someone we simply admire, respect, look up to?
• Is a hero some kind of "superhero" with "super powers?"
• Does it take a lot of money and fame to be a hero?
• What's involved in being a hero?
• Can we call ourselves a hero?
• Why do we have such a weird relationship to the word "hero?"

You may have asked yourself these same questions. And we will be exploring this subject more in the future days and weeks on this blog. So, let's start now by looking at the concept of "hero" and "heroism."

While there are many interpretations of what a hero is, the Every|Day Hero Campaign has adopted the definition used by the Heroic Imagination Project:

Heroes are people who transform compassion (a personal virtue) into heroic action (a civic virtue). In doing so, they put their best selves forward in service to humanity. A hero is as an individual or a network of people that take action on behalf of others in need, or in defense of integrity or a moral cause.

Heroic action is:

• Engaged in voluntarily;
• Conducted in service to one or more people or the community as a whole;
• Involving a risk to physical comfort, social stature, or quality of life; and
• Initiated without the expectation of material gain.

When you consider this interpretation, you can really get that heroism is the other side of the coin — the opposite — of bystander behavior. When you voluntarily engage in an activity that is in service to someone else, or the community as a whole, and you take a risk in doing so AND do it without any expectation of material gain: you are a hero! You are not a bystander.

Heroism is not random acts of kindness, as great as they are. Heroism is very distinct. A hero is not someone you simply admire or respect. A hero is a very distinct person. 

Each and every day around us, there are those who need a hero:

• If a child is being bullied at school — or even an adult being bullied at the workplace — they need a hero.
• If someone has had too much to drink and they are about to drive, they — and everyone that their driving may impact — need a hero. 
• If someone is being sexually "hit on" and has not given consent, they need a hero. 
• If a group of students are being hazed — physically, emotionally or otherwise — they need a hero.
• If an inappropriate or offensive comment is spoken, those impacted need a hero.

Now, truth be told, we all want to be heroes. We all want to make that difference in that moment of time that will dramatically impact the situation and even foster change. Keep someone safe. Keep others safe. Stand up for what is right and just. As I travel the country and speak to audiences of hundreds of people — and then have the chance to speak one-on-one with many of them — I have yet to meet anyone that doesn't want this. We all simply desire the ability and the power to act freely and without restraint to make this kind of difference.  

Yes, I know, we all have a really funky relationship to the word "hero." You may notice that it came up for you the second you read the headline to this post. You may think it's narcissistic. Egotistical. Self-promotional. You may even think that it's something to be bestowed on you rather than self-acclamation. 

I also believe that most of us have a very cynical and resigned relationship to heroism. It may come from a time when we tried to be a hero — to take a heroic action — and it didn't go well or have the effect we needed it to. Or, maybe we wanted to be a hero for someone and never took the actions necessary to make the difference. In those moments we make a decision that we can't be a hero — we don't have what it takes. It was a good idea at the time; however, "I must not be good enough to be a hero." And these decisions have been validated by subsequent events ever since we made them. Actually, the older we are, the more evidence we have gathered to prove them true.  

I get it. I really do. I have just as much evidence as you do that I am not a hero — and can't be. "Why even try, right?"

I am on this journey with you and I invite us all to stay in this conversation and explore it together: "How can I be a hero?" Better yet, "how can I prepare and equip myself to be a hero in those moments in life that demand it?"

I am committed that we all create a new and inspiring relationship to being a hero and allowing others to be heroes for us. Let yourself be empowered by the opportunity it is to make this kind of difference. This very commitment is the driving force of the Every|Day Hero Campaign.  

Think of a time someone was a hero for you and how you have never forgotten that person for what they did. You have never gotten over their courage and their actions — for you.

Think of a time when you were able to make this kind of difference for someone else. What did it feel like? What was that experience like? I promise, if you allow yourself to really experience this, you will be inspired — by yourself!

My challenge to all of us: be a hero vs. be a bystander!

Be an "everyday" person willing to keep your eyes, ears and heart open "every day" to any opportunity that may demand heroism. 

I invite you now to commit to this by taking the pledge in the box on the right side of this page.

I thank you for taking this on. Really! I thank you for being the kind of person even willing to make this kind of commitment and hold yourself accountable for fulfilling it — for others, for organizations, and for issues you care about.  

This will allow all of us to live extraordinary lives making the difference we all want — and need — to make.

Get involved. Stay engaged. Be an Every|Day Hero!

Physical Hazing & Death

The latest in a long string of hazing deaths occurred at Florida A&M University in November of 2011, when a drum major was beaten to death running a gauntlet on the bus, following a performance by the famed "Marching 100."  It is gratifying that the media seems to be taking the issue more seriously following this death than they have many others.

Perhaps the increased attention is because this tragedy happened to a band member rather than another "frat guy." It has raised awareness that this is a problem which extends beyond the fraternity/sorority community. Research has told us this as well, with data suggesting the highest levels of hazing occur in athletics, followed closely by Greek life, but also including a wide variety of student groups such as performing arts (including music and theater groups), rec sports, and even religiously affiliated student groups.

Some of the most visible recent hazing incidents have occurred outside of the college realm altogether in high school and professional athletics and the military. Two highly reported suicides among military personnel have taken place in the past few years. Additionally, this is not just a U.S. problem. A study about the Russian military suggested that recruiting problems were not related to fear of death or time away from family, but rather fear of extreme hazing. 

Additionally, a number of fraternity deaths have been recorded in the Philippines in recent years, and Korean middle school hazing has also made the media. "Ragging" has long been reported in India, including a prominent news story of the death of a medical school student from this practice a few years ago. 

Emotional Hazing

While the death or physical injury of anyone due to hazing is always a tragedy, there is another side to this problem that we almost never hear about, and when we do, we often don't take seriously. A famous high school cheerleader hazing case in Texas got widespread media attention a few years ago. The mother appeared on a national morning news show visibly upset at the emotional trauma that her daughter had experienced as a result of having her hands and feet duct taped and being thrown into a pool (she was told she was being thrown off a cliff into the river below). When shown video of the mother’s tearful account of the emotional toll this had on her daughter, the perpetrators laughed. 

This reaction is perhaps why most people don’t share the emotional impact hazing has on them. Being able to "take it" is one of the hallmarks of hazing from the perpetrators' perspective. If you can't, perhaps you aren't good enough to be one of us. Victims of hazing know this, and their shame at appearing weak keeps them from revealing the emotional toll the hazing has had on them. (For more about this, download the 2011 National Hazing Prevention Week Resource Guide and read The Hidden Harm of Shame.)

If an individual has a trauma in their background, the impact of hazing can be even greater for them. As new students to an organization — as hazing victims often are — little is known about them at the time they are hazed. Without realizing it, perpetrators can re-traumatize someone bringing out PTSD-type symptoms if victims have had any of the following types of experiences: sexual assault, addiction, abuse, military service, abandonment, violence, serious illness, mental health issues, grief, etc.

Because shame and self-blame prevents individuals from sharing these types of stories, the perception of hazing by the public is that it ONLY includes serious physical harm. Therefore, acts of humiliation, degradation, embarrassment, harassment and ridicule mostly escape the hazing label, and aren't taken as seriously. It is certainly a tragedy that dozens of people have been killed in hazing incidents over the years, (close to 100 according to the records kept by Hank Nuwer) but the tragedy of so many of the hazed and bullied feeling ashamed is just as significant. Because it is hidden from our view, we don't know how far-reaching it is, nor do we consider the negative impact it has on our society. We should. 

Follow this link for more about the concept of Hidden Harm, and videos on the subject. 

Conclusions

Students rarely think they are going to kill someone, but being exposed to the idea that they might emotionally scar someone for life is often sobering. It is only through bringing these issues to light and discussing them openly that we will begin to more fully understand the impacts of hazing in our society. Hazing should be a focus on our campuses and society year-round, and not just during National Hazing Prevention Week or after a tragedy occurs. These events can certainly present opportunities for discussion and awareness that should be utilized, but can't be the only time we discuss the problem if we hope to find solutions.

What You Can Do

Educate Yourself. The more you know, the more prepared you will be to discuss the issue when the opportunity arises. There are many resources on the HPO website, and a growing body of research about hazing, including books and academic studies. Read these materials and share them with others.

Talk About it. One of the most important things we can do to eliminate hazing from our society is to talk about it. Hazing is often shrouded in secrecy. Victims are threatened about what will happen to them if they talk, and part of the hazing is often separation from outside friends and family. By opening up the conversation with others in our circle, we let them know our positions and gain allies. We understand why hazing persists and how others view it, which gives us a richer perspective on how to deal with it. If you have a personal story about how hazing has affected you, share it in your community or more publicly on our website. These stories have a profound impact on people's perceptions of hazing.

Take Action. There are many avenues open to us to deal with hazing. The important thing is not continuing to be a bystander, watching it happen, but doing nothing. From educating yourself and others to reporting a problem, to beginning a discussion among your friends, serving on the NHPW planning committee or other task force or telling your story, choose the actions that feels most comfortable to you. Challenging hazing and hazers directly can be dangerous physically and/or socially. Build a group of allies before taking action that may put you in peril.

Tracy Maxwell is the founder and Executive Director of HazingPrevention.Org. She has been working in and around higher education for 20 years. Her intention is that through sharing our personal stories, we can begin to feel less ashamed, disconnected and alone, and recognize the power we have to prevent and address hazing in our communities.

Every year, this evening is filled with such joy and excitement. As I watched the fire ignite and cheered for our team in the "Yell Like Hell" dance competition, I couldn't help but smile nostalgically, realizing it was my last collegiate bonfire. I loved seeing all the school spirit; groups in costume, fraternities raising their flags, cheerleaders stunting in front of the fire, everyone in green and white — these are the moments my mother told me I would remember for the rest of my life. I most certainly do.

"Carry her coat," I heard behind me as we got closer to the fire site.

Like I said, I was more excited that year marching in the spirit parade as a member of a Greek organization. I had been the colonizing president for 7 months and every part of the experience had been wonderful, though Homecoming had been the most intense. With dance practices (mostly just watching for me) and float building every night, not to mention classes and officer meetings, my schedule was packed, but I enjoyed getting to know the fraternity members of our team partners throughout the preparation process. I got to know some of the new guys pretty well. I think we connected because it was all our first time with the Homecoming experience.

I remember sitting on a large tree log in the back yard one evening. In a conversation with one of the new members of a fraternity, I asked why he wouldn't sit down with me. "We're not allowed to sit on the log until after initiation. You can bet it's the first thing I'll do, sit on that log and walk through the front door of the house!" All pledges of the chapter couldn't use the front door; they had to walk around to the back. It didn't make much sense to me, but what did I know?

"Hold that flag higher, pledge."

It was always a struggle to get a good spot to see the competition at the bonfire, but I jumped on a bale of hay that had been set out to create different sections of the crowd. Behind me was one of the fraternity new members, proudly carrying his chapter colors. Every now and then I would feel the banner brush the top of my head. "Hold the flag straight, pledge," I repeated to the guy behind me. We laughed, and he raised it higher.

It sounded so harmless, yet I can still remember feeling discomforted after I said it. It didn't seem right, but "that's not hazing." I brushed it off and posed for pictures with my friends and sisters. By the end of the night, the fraternity's new members' arms were full of coats and purses. They followed their brothers around, hanging on every word, every direction. Any strange feelings I had melted away as we were handed the first place trophy. We were so proud!

Fast forward about five months. I continued to grow friendships with those fraternity men. Many of them would be sure to say hello when they stopped by the Greek Life Office where I had worked the last few months. The week after their initiation, one of my favorite new guys came by. He walked into my office and closed the door. He told me he had just got back from driving all night with two brothers to his fraternity's headquarters. "They'll be here later today; they're going to interview every member of the chapter."

I had never heard about this kind of thing before, so he proceeded to tell me the reasoning for this membership review. I was horrified to learn about the real actions that were taking place. He and his brothers were being kept in closets for hours on end. They were forced to take shots if they answered incorrectly to a question about their fraternity history. The new members performed calisthenics until they could barely move. They were kept up all night doing these things — earning their letters. The list of atrocious behaviors went on, and I'm afraid got worse. By the end of the conversation I felt sick. I feel sick as I write this now.

It never takes long for word to spread in a Greek community, especially when one of the largest chapters on campus is cut down to less than half of its members. It all became a blur as their secrets came to surface. It was my first encounter with hazing but I hadn't recognized it.

It wasn't until Mike Dilbeck came to campus 2 years later that I fully realized what had happened. As he began his speech he encouraged the audience to relate a real moment from our lives to recognize what it meant to be a bystander. I guess that's why this sticks with me so strongly; it didn't take long to remember laughing with that new member as he hoisted the flag higher. Now a Graduate Assistant for Greek Life, I hung on every word Mike said. As I learned about the barriers to intervention the reasons became clear why the new members had suffered through this. I, along with many others had been a witness — a bystander — and did nothing.

I vowed that night to never be a bystander again.

After learning the barriers to intervention it became easier to speak up. It's never a comfortable feeling, but trust me when I say it doesn't feel half as bad as not saying anything at all. I can now recognize and feel in my very core when something needs to be said. I have a physical reaction, probably the same one you get when you know something's not right. I am now a Level I Facilitator of the RESPONSE ABILITY Project and have taken the pledge to be an Every|Day Hero.

My life's motto is to leave every place better than I found it, including the people around me. I take every opportunity possible to educate others about bystander intervention and teach them about being an Every|Day Hero.

It's not just a passion.  It's a conviction. And it has absolutely changed my life.

Most heroism is performed by ordinary people in ordinary situations. However, heroism is anything but ordinary. When confronted with a situation that calls for a hero, most people refuse the call. There are a myriad of reasons for this, many of them explained by the Bystander Effect. There might be a discomfort in rocking the social boat.

Take discrimination.

Treating someone poorly because they are different is a common, but abhorrent behavior. It is allowed to be common because so few people stand up to it. Sure, there are court cases to sue against discrimination in the workplace and there are loud and visible campaigns to combat it in general life. However, in small groups, one rarely sees a hero combatting discriminatory acts.

In most circles, there is a stigma attached to racism — a form a discrimination. In most circles, it simply does not show its head. Due to this stigma, calling out someone's racist commentary or actions rarely rocks the boat. The social risk is reduced because you can be sure someone will back you up.

If only it was social suicide to discriminate against redheads, homosexuals, or atheists. Many people around the world suffer from discrimination because they are different. And because there are not enough heroes — that is, there are too many bystanders. Too many people worried about their social capital. Will they upset their friend? Will they be targeted next?

Your reaction to discrimination, whether it be through words or actions, is of vital importance to those around you. To help you take the heroic route, consider the following questions, aimed at reducing the pressure to stay silent:

• What terms, behaviors, or phrases do I use that are discriminatory?
• What terms, behaviors, or phrases do my friends and colleagues use that are discriminatory?
• Do I know someone that has stood up to discrimination? What did they do? How did others respond?
• What have I seen on TV (ads or programs) that is discriminatory?
• Do I belong to an organization that discriminates?
• Do I vote for a politician that is openly discriminatory?

In asking these questions, follow them through to the end. Ask yourself why. Ask yourself what you could have done. Ask yourself what you could do next time. In doing so, you will be preparing yourself for heroism.

There's no better pursuit than that.


The Hero Construction Company builds heroes in K-12 schools. Through a series of in-classroom presentations, students are taught the basics of heroism and given practical advice on how to live heroically.  Contact Matt to build heroes at your local school.

Read about what it means to #BeThePerson by following this hashtag on twitter or checking out Phired Up's new book: Social Excellence: We Dare You

And most of us have let a person who is impaired get behind the wheels of a car to drive. Some of us have even gotten in the vehicle with them — thinking all the time, "They really shouldn't be driving!". Yet, way too often, we don't fulfill the urge we have to intervene and prevent this person from endangering themselves, us and others.

Here are 11 valuable tips from StepUp! — a bystander intervention program from the University of Arizona — on what to do with an impaired friend, family member, or stranger:

• Plan ahead — set a limit BEFORE going out.
• Encourage them to stop drinking (or take their drink away) when they've had enough.
• Stay with them to ensure they will be all right.
• Remove them from the situation.
• Get them to consume non-alcoholic beverages first.
• Get them to alternate between non-alcoholic and alcoholic drinks.
• Get them to sip rather than gulp if they are drinking alcohol.
• Have them consume food while drinking alcoholic beverages.
• Tell them not to drink while taking medication.
• Tell them to avoid taking aspirin if they have been drinking. (DO NOT take Tylenol or other Acetaminophen medication for a hangover; liver damage may result!)
• Never discuss problematic behavior when the person is under the influence.

This is one of the most critical ways we can all be a hero — for the person impaired and anyone else their impairment may impact.

*The statistics used in this post were obtained from MADD — the full document can be downloaded here.

Adverse (or Disparate) Impact

A term used to describe a substantially different rate of selection in hiring, promotion, transfer, training or in other employment decisions, which works to the disadvantage of the members of the protected group or gender.

Affected Class

One or more employees, former employees, or applicants who have been denied employment benefits because of discriminatory practices and/or policies by an employer, its employees, or agents.

Affirmative Action

A set of specific and result-oriented procedures to which an employer makes a commitment to apply a good faith effort for achievement of established goals. Specifically, any program, practice, or activity which is designed to do any or all of the following:

• Remove artificial barriers to the employment of any protected group or category of persons
• Eliminate non-job related personnel practices or to increase the job relatedness of current personnel practices
• Enhance the opportunities of subparity groups to compete for employment within the organization

Anti-Semitism

Hostility toward or discrimination against Jews as a religious, ethnic, or racial group.

Availability

Refers to the percentage of minorities or women in a specific geographic area who have the requisite skills or who are capable of acquiring the requisite skills necessary to perform a particular job.

Bridge Class

A job classification specifically designed to provide training or experience which will facilitate advancement from one type of occupation to another that has greater advancement opportunities.

Business Necessity

Justification for an otherwise prohibited employment practice based on an employer's proof that: (1) the employment practice is essential for the safety and efficiency of the business, and (2) there is no reasonable alternative with a lesser impact on protected classes.

Disability

Any physical or mental impairment which substantially limits one or more major life functions; such as caring for one's self, performing manual tasks, walking, breathing, seeing, hearing, learning, or working. This term includes but is not limited to diseases, physical conditions, and learning disabilities.

Disabled Individual

A person is considered to have a disability if he or she has a mental or physical impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activity (e.g. seeing, hearing, speaking, walking, breathing, performing manual tasks, learning, caring for one's self, or working.)

Discrimination

An act that is committed on the basis of prejudice or bias. Unlawful discrimination generally refers to any employment practice or decision that intentionally or unintentionally results in the unequal treatment of an individual or group on a basis of their protected status (i.e. age physical ability/qualities, age, ethnicity, gender, race, and sexual orientation).

Disparate (or Differential) Treatment

A theory of discrimination in which an individual is treated less favorably than his/her similarly situated peers because of gender, race, etc.

Diversity

The range of dimensions which describe human differences. The primary dimensions of diversity are age, physical abilities/qualities, ethnicity, gender, race, and sexual orientation.

Environmental Racism

Addresses the fact that poor people, but specifically communities of color, are disproportionately impacted by pollution, waste disposal, hazardous sites, resource depletion, and natural disasters.

Equal Employment Opportunity

Refers to a body of laws which requires all employers to allow all persons to work and advance on the basis of merit, ability, and potential without regard to race, color, religion, national origin/ancestry, age (40 and above), marital status, gender, disability, certain medical conditions, sexual orientation, or other unalterable condition.

Ethnic Group

Individuals classed according to common traits, traditions, and customs. The ethnic group which most closely reflects the individual's recognition in his/or her community should be used for reporting purposes.

Goals and Timetables

Quantitative and qualitative goals which are flexible and are to be achieved within the framework of equal employment opportunity and affirmative action. Quantitative (numerical) goals represent a commitment to achieve gender/ethnic balance at all levels in the workforce within a certain time period. Qualitative goals represent a commitment to remove causes of under-representation and eliminate all personnel policies, procedures, and practices which are not job-related and have an adverse impact on the employment and retention of protected classes.

Islamophobia

Refers to unfounded fear of and hostility towards Islam. Such fear and hostility leads to discriminations against Muslims, exclusion of Muslims from mainstreams political or social process, stereotyping, the presumption of guilt by association, and hate crimes.

Job Group

A group of job titles categorized together based on similar job content, experience, preparation, wage rates, and promotional opportunities.

Labor Force

Generally defined by the US Department of Commerce as all civilians 16 years old and over who were employed at the time of the Census, or who were unemployed but looking for work, or available to accept a job.

Managing and Valuing Diversity

Recognizing and appreciating that individuals are different, that diversity is an advantage if it is valued and well managed, and that diversity is not to be simply tolerated but encouraged, supported and nurtured.

Minority

Those people who are protected by State and Federal law as a member of the following groups: Black, Hispanic, Asian or Pacific Islander, and American Indian or Alaskan Native.

Non-Job-Related Barriers

Employment requirements and practices which are not significantly related to job performance, i.e., non-merit factors in the selection process.

Outreach Recruitment

A concentrated effort by an employer to attract applicants from those groups which are underrepresented in a given job classification or category. A desired result of such recruitment is a diverse group of applicants who must then compete on an equal footing with all other applicants.

Present Effects of Past Discrimination

A theory of discrimination in which a present practice, most commonly a seniority system of one form or another, perpetuates past discriminatory practices.

Protected Class

Classes or groups of people protected by the Federal and State Equal Opportunity Laws. Examples of these classes and groups are Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, American Indians, women of all races, persons with disabilities, disabled and Vietnam-era veterans, people who are age 40 and above, and a person's actual or perceived sexual orientation.

Reasonable Accommodation

An adaptation or adjustment made by an employer which enables an individual to perform the job. An accommodation is reasonable if it does not impose an undue hardship on the employer's business. An employer is expected to make a reasonable effort to accommodate individuals with disabilities as well as those whose religious beliefs would otherwise prohibit them from performing the duties of the job. Reasonable accommodation can include, but is not limited to changing the job duties, changing the work shift, accommodating to schedules, relocating the work area, and providing mechanical and electric aids. However, the employer is not required to provide the exact accommodation requested by the employee, to create a new job, or lessen the standards for performance of a job.

Religious Discrimination

An employment rule or policy that requires an individual to either abandon a fundamental precept of his/her religion or to relinquish an employment opportunity. Employers are required by law to make reasonable efforts to accommodate religious needs of the employees and applicants.

Sexual Harassment

Unwanted sexual advances, or visual, verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. Sexual harassment often includes making or threatening reprisals after a negative response to sexual advances or offering employment benefits in exchange for sexual favors. "Hostile Work Environment" sexual harassment is generally behavior that unreasonably interferes with a person's ability to perform their job and does not necessarily involve employment benefits.

Subparity Group

Any protected group having significantly lower representation in a particular occupational category or job classification than its level of availability.

Systemic Discrimination

Employment policies or practices that serve to differentiate or to perpetuate a differentiation in terms or conditions of employment of applicants or employees because of their status as members of a particular group. Such policies or practices may or may not be facially neutral, and intent to discriminate may or may not be involved. Systemic discrimination, sometimes called class discrimination or a pattern and practice of discrimination, concerns recurring practices or continuing policy rather than an isolated act of discrimination.

Underrepresented

Having fewer protected class employees in a job classification than would be reasonably expected by their availability in the relevant labor force.

Workforce Diversity

A workforce that consists of individuals who bring different experiences and perspectives to the workplace and who have distinctive needs, preferences, expectations, and lifestyles. Employees represent differences that are associated with such characteristics as ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientations, and disabilities. Other differences include nationality, cultural heritage, personal background, functional experience, and position in the organization.

The above list was compiled and published by DoSomething.org — using the power of online to get teens to do good stuff offline.

Don't judge

Whatever you do, you should never make judgments or statements such as, "You are always drunk," or "You're an embarrassment." While these statements seem cruel and harsh, people tend to make these statements in the heat of the moment or otherwise. Instead, use "I feel" statements instead of "you are" statements. This way, you are articulating the way their behavior impacts you.

Seek out support

The instant you realize that your friend or family member may have a problem, you should get in touch with the appropriate resources that can assist them. Remember, you are not a substance abuse or mental health professional. Your job isn't to make a diagnosis; rather, it is to gather helpful resource information and present it when the moment is right. Resources such as counseling services and alcohol/substance abuse prevention services are a good place to start.  I suggest consulting the internet for valuable resources.  Be sure and do your homework -- not every service out there is reputable and certified.

In their time

We've all probably heard the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink." Well, the same is true for people, no matter how much we want someone to change or would like to help someone; they have to be willing to. It is not our decision. The best thing you can do for your friend or family member is to provide them with the necessary help, to listen, and be as supportive as possible. It's never easy to watch someone go down the wrong path, but as a supportive friend you can't force them, attend their pity party, or blame yourself. They will make the right decision when they feel the time is right.

Unfortunately, alcohol and substance abuse is a big problem. It would be to your benefit to get acquainted with the appropriate resources should the problem arise. It's not a matter of "if" there will be a problem; it's a matter of where to go in order to solve the problem. Prevention is the best cure.

A possible scenario

Here's the situation: You are at a social gathering and your friend has had way too much alcohol. So much so that they are not only making a fool of themselves but people are beginning to feel uncomfortable. As their friend and a bystander, what do you do? The following tips below will give you some helpful advice on how to diffuse the situation and reduce conflict/drama:

• First things first

Any person who has had too much to drink should be taken care of. How you go about assisting them will depend on different circumstances such as where you are, how much they've had to drink, and if they have had any combination of other drugs (illicit, over the counter, or prescription).

If you have also been drinking, you also want to consider if you are equipped to help out your friend. If you are not, the best thing that you can do is find someone who is sober enough to make the most responsible decision. If you think that there is any chance that the situation may be worse than expected, you should call 911. Regardless of the intoxicated person's attitude toward your decision, it is always better to play it safe.

• Be a snitch, be a friend

As a bystander, you may not be prepared to physically remove the person out of the situation. Perhaps they may get verbally or physically abusive. If this is the case, it is in your best interest to call the police or authorities if you feel like someone could get hurt (including the person who is intoxicated). I would utilize this option if you have tried other options like taking them somewhere else or pulling the person aside and talking to them.

Being a snitch is not considered "cool," especially if you are part of an organization. However, if you think things may get violent, it may be in the best interest of all parties involved to call the police. Besides, police officers are professionally trained to handle such situations. Believe it or not, things (especially when alcohol is involved) can quickly get out of control.

Yes, contacting local/campus authorities is not the multiple choice answer that you would pick in this particular scenario. However, you should always be mindful of the worst-case scenarios that can really get out of control. If you want to be a responsible friend, the best thing to do is to defuse it before it gets out of control. It could mean the difference between life and death. 

While they may not realize it at the time, you are being a hero for them and their life.

The above has been adapted from blog posts written by Tawan Perry on the CampusTalkBlog.

Most students in clubs, student government, fraternities and sororities, or on athletic teams would probably agree that the majority of their group members are responsible, hard-working students and that their organizations contribute positively to their campuses and communities.  At the same time they would also probably tell you that sometimes their organizations are unfairly stereotyped or receive an undeserved reputation and that much of the good they do is overlooked.  If this is true, what can we do about it?  How much of our reputation is deserved and to what extent can we have control over how others see us?

My own experience with student organizations — fraternities, sororities, athletics, clubs, bands, student governments, etc. — on hundreds of college and university campuses confirms my belief that the overwhelming majority of students are good citizens who care about their peers and act in responsible and healthy ways.  This belief is confirmed by data from national and individual campus studies.  Why then the lack of appreciation and negative reputation?    

When our organizations do not receive appreciation for their good work, or are seen negatively in an unfair way, it is usually due to the very public and very problematic behavior of a minority of members.  This minority of men and/or women visibly misbehave, leading others to judge our organizations in a way that is unfair to the silent majority.  Can we do anything about this?  The answer is yes — we can improve our reputations and also make our organizational culture more positive and healthy by responding differently to the members who create a negative perception.  In other words, we can stop being bystanders — stop "standing by" — and instead find ways to respond and intervene that are responsible, respectful, and consistent with the values and traditions of of our group.  In other words, we can "transform our values into action" by accepting our responsibility to learn "response ability."
 
This blog post will provide a brief outline of bystander behavior and some of the barriers to overcome it and introduce an important resource to help college students do the right thing — a DVD package titled, "RESPONSE ABILITY: Transforming Values into Action," for which I am the expert consultant.  RESPONSE ABILITY features a group of men and women students discussing bystander behavior and inspiring each other to do the right thing, along with a demonstration of role plays led by myself and includes a small book titled "The Complete Guide to Bystander Intervention." While some of the examples focus on the Greek community, the majority of the discussion is more general and would be applicable to other student groups..

Let's consider the following example about a male student:

When Tom has had too much to drink he is obnoxious to women.  This usually happens when he and his friends go out drinking.  While they disapprove of his behavior, no one does anything to stop it, and some think it is humorous and tease him.  What they overlook is what others say about their group as a result of Tom's actions.  This contributes to a negative reputation.  In short, the "silent majority" allows one individual to generate negative publicity for all.

If you ask members if they have anyone like Tom in their group, they may smile and you can almost see the names appearing in their mind.  If you ask men if there is anyone on their team, in their club, in their residence hall, or in their chapter who is prone to take advantage of women sexually, behave irresponsibly when drunk, cause damage to property, or engage in a destructive prank, one or more names usually come to mind.  We could think of similar examples for women — someone with an eating problem, a woman who behaves seductively and wild when drunk, or someone who engages in malicious gossip, etc.

A similar argument could be made about initiation and hazing rituals, negative publicity from t-shirts and flyers that objectify women and other groups, irresponsible public behavior, etc.  Each one of us can think of our own examples.  Unfortunately, there are many examples even though they are not representative of the majority of students.

These examples may not pertain to all groups and situations, and perhaps the examples are somewhat stereotypical.  Yet the pattern itself is generic.  When a group has a negative reputation it is usually due to the problematic behavior of a minority of members — whatever the behavior, whatever the reaction — and is not representative of the group as a whole.   I believe that 90% of a bad reputation could be eliminated by responding effectively to problem behavior.  This would help others see us accurately as caring and constructive community members and eliminate the negative advertising that undermines the good work that we do. 

Acting on such concerns is not easy and there are many challenges.  The RESPONSE ABILITY DVD shows college women and men discussing each of these challenges.  Most people want to respond but may not do so for five reasons:  social influence, audience inhibition, diffusion of responsibility, fear of retaliation, and misjudging how others feel about the situation.   So, if you don't do something because you think that someone else will, are afraid that you might embarrass yourself (or someone else), suffer retaliation (violence, gossip, teasing, etc), think that someone else will probably do something or assume that no one else thinks it is a problem, then you are a typical bystander. 

In fact, these concerns may not be real.  In other words, your fellow group members may also be concerned, but are afraid to show it.  They may respect and appreciate you if you do something.  Like you, they may be waiting for someone else to do something.  Actually, all of us need to take responsibility for doing something, and for supporting and appreciating others who do.  The DVD and the book show ways to respond that are respectful, low-risk, and easy to learn.

It is also true that in some cases a negative reputation or image can be due to external factors.  For instance, societal prejudices towards a particular group may lead others to misjudge them and stereotype them.  It is therefore important to evaluate the basis for a negative reputation and realize that in some cases the explanation may be external. Yet, it is always good to look at ourselves objectively and analyze what, if anything, we are doing to create it.

Often we are told that we "hold the future in our hands."  This may be literally true because by learning bystander RESPONSE ABILITY we can reduce problems that give a negative reputation to college students in general and to specific groups in particular. 

In the words of a fellow student, "So what I hope for you is that you're part of the solution, that you no longer stand by and watch things happen, but you stand up and say what you believe in, because that's what it means to be a leader, that you’re a strong, confident person who can stand up for what you believe in."

I, too, hope that you will make an effort to increase your bystander "response ability" in whatever way you can: by seeing the RESPONSE ABILITY DVD, reading the book, or in other ways. 

Thank you for the leadership that you provide.

NOTE:  This post is a revision and expansion of an essay titled "Promoting Health and Reducing Harm in Our Chapters" that was published in the Fall 2005 issue of the Fraternal Risk Management Trust Newsletter.

Alan D. Berkowitz is internationally recognized as an expert in bystander behavior and as one of the founders of the field.  His work was the inspiration for the RESPONSE ABILITY Project and has led to his receiving five national awards for his work and scholarship on sexual assault and drug prevention, social justice issues, and bystander behavior.   Alan offers workshops and trainings on bystander intervention research, theory and skills.  His work and articles can be viewed here.

Dear Engaged Bystander: 

For more than a year, I focused my writing of a bystander blog on preventing sexual violence. I hope to now offer an equally compelling argument for us to extend bystander intervention AFTER the abuse has been perpetrated.

When someone discloses sexual abuse, the people around them often respond in fear and in anger. If it is their child, family or friend who is victimized, that anger can turn to rage. If we read or hear about the trauma but we don't know the victim, then our response may be to isolate ourselves from the people and the pain with the singular thought of "keeping myself, my child, my friends, my family safe."

How do fear, anger and rage help us listen to what a victim needs? How does our rage help us do whatever is necessary to keep the victim safe?   (I do recognize that it does help to create public policy...) Although the anger and rage may feel right, are they really helpful in our attempts to hold someone accountable for their actions? It is hard to be truly vigilant when we are enraged. And the isolation created by "keeping myself, my family and my child safe" may be our first instinctive response, but we can't stop there. If we do, listen to the rest of the sentence:  "I don't care as much about YOUR child, or your friend, as long as mine is safe..." It sends the message that we were powerless to prevent the abuse and equally powerless to stop any future abuse. That is NOT a message I want to send to anyone.

During one of my workshops, a leader in the tribal community compassionately said to me, "The problem with you white people is that you would cut off your head if you could do get rid of a headache. You can't do that with headaches and you can’t do that with sex offenders. They are a part of our community." I will never forget these words and I still struggle in a good way with how to apply them in my own communities.

I KNOW that our first response must always protect the victim. But if we stop there, it is clearly not enough.  Like a stone that is thrown into a pond, we need to follow the ripples outward. We need to take a systemic look at a situation which means that we need to not only protect the victim, but we also need to ensure that each victim has the resources to heal. 

Following the ripples outward, we need to hold the abuser accountable for his or her actions AND we need ensure that when he or she returns to the community has the resources to integrate safely back into that community. This has been a huge failure in our society, especially when the person who abuses is a child or adolescent. But to ensure safety for the victim, the abuser and the community we need to understand the risk factors and protective factors of those who abuse and how to create effective safety plans for abusers, families, institutions and communities. How many of us have taken the time to understand those who abuse — especially the children and teens who abuse? I believe that it is through this understanding that we can learn how to protect those we love. If you have not looked at the research or talked with someone who works with sex offenders, then consider taking on that responsibility.

Where to find it? Some great places to begin are the NSVRC fact sheet, the Center for Sex Offender Management and the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers. I also co-write through NEARI Press a monthly fact sheet about adolescents who are sexually abusive that highlights the most current research.

Continuing to follow the ripples outwards, we, as bystanders, need to look at our responsibilities to help our communities heal. I have heard so many stories where people who do something, even just acknowledge a survivor's experience 40 years later can have a huge impact on healing. Unfortunately, there are very few models and resources for community healing and this is critical to our movement. If we can imagine and safely implement a variety of responses to sexual abuse that range from prison to lifetime probation to returning safely into job, home and community we will empower the community to keep ourselves and our community safe. We are not helpless in the face of sexual violence. But to do this, we need to have a VERY different response to:

• a 12-year old who sexually abuses a younger sibling or
• a 15-year old arrested for sexting or
• an 18-year old convicted of statutory rape after consensual sex with his girlfriend or
• the 25-year old who is downloading child pornography or
• the 30-year old who rapes his girlfriend or
• the 40-year old who sexually abuses multiple children.

We also need to be sure that our response is both immediate and long term. To me, this is the role that bystanders need to take on. We feel the impact and can affect change for years after the abuse is perpetrated. We are not helpless in the face of sexual violence and we need to stay involved from the point of prevention, through a disclosure of sexual abuse to a place of healing in the community. There are a few models of this kind of accountability and safety in the community, but they do exist. If you have not yet read about Circles of Support and Accountability or the incredible response of the First Nation of Canada in Hollow Water, please take the time to read about these.

I know you know this, but if we accept the fact that we all are affected by a sexual assault then we also need to take on the responsibility of finding a path of safety for everyone in the community. If we, as bystanders, stay connected to the victim, the abuser and everyone in their families and circles of friends then ALL of us are safer.

Please take the time, today, this week to try to challenge yourself to be a more active bystander. It might mean reading some of these resources or choosing to offer help to someone at the supermarket checkout line. Robert Kennedy said "Few of us have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of the events and in the total of all those acts, will be written the history of our generation."

With the words of Bobby Kennedy in mind, I know that together, we will make our homes, communities and society a safer place for those we love.

Warmly,

joan

This post was adapted from an original blog post for the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC).

Alan D. Berkowitz is internationally recognized as an expert in bystander behavior and as one of the founders of the field.  His work was the inspiration for the RESPONSE ABILITY Project and has led to his receiving five national awards for his work and scholarship on sexual assault and drug prevention, social justice issues, and bystander behavior.   Alan offers workshops and trainings on bystander intervention research, theory and skills.  His work and articles can be viewed here.

As any parent would, in this moment, be confronted by this situation, Karen found herself now in the middle of something she didn't quite know how to handle.  She certainly had what I call "the urge" — the urge to do something, say something.  And, I applaud her for not simply doing what so many parents do when they hear of bullying — nothing.  She actually couldn't do nothing.  As I mentioned already, she has been engaged in this conversation about bystander behavior through her familiarity with the RESPONSE ABILITY Project.  She simply couldn't walk away. 

While I will certainly share with you what I said to Karen and what she did, I want to first share a blog post I came across today that actually made me think of Karen and her situation.  The post is entitled, "When the teacher is the bully" by Jessica Kelmon.  The post appears on a really great website I will be citing from time to time in my posts, GreatSchools.org.  I highly recommend you visit this site, especially if you are a parent.

Now, back to Karen.  I simply coached her as I have coached thousands of people over the years — to get in touch with what she already knew to do.  She really did already know what she had the urge to do. However, she was experiencing a common, raw emotion:  fear!  Fear was taking over and telling her that she really didn't know what to do.  And, yes, fear is a raw, human emotion we all have rather than something we we will one day, someday conquer.  We spend our lives resisting and pushing back fear — thinking that one day we will no longer experience this dibilitating phenomenon.  Yet, here's the secret: we never will.  We will actually go to our graves having fear.  Every single one of us. 

Rather than taking this fear with us and doing what we know to do, we sell-out on that urge using an arsenal of reasons, justifications, explanations, excuses and rationalizations.  We carry these with us to give ourselves permission to do nothing, say nothing.  Yet, we know we can't settle for them — we know that we can't be our authentic selves and let these reasons win. 

So, I told Karen what I will tell you now:  acknowledge the fear along with the reason, explanations, etc. that you are using to let fear win, and take action anyway.  Acknowledge fear for what it is — just fear — and then go beyond that fear to take the action you most likely know to take regarding the situation. 

If you are familiar with The Three Tools from the RA Project, you know that the first tool is IDENTIFY.  The second tool is GO BEYOND. And, the third is TAKE ACTION!

Karen did just that.  She identified the problem of bullying by the teacher.  She went beyond her fear and all of her reasons.  And, she took action by going to talk to the principal of the school and letting him know of the problem.  And, as a result, she is a hero for those children, including her own daughter.  She took a risk, went beyond the barriers that would have stopped her, and took actions to make the difference.  And, I know that Karen would tell you if she was sitting here with us, "It wasn't easy." 

No, it's not easy.  Yet, it's very simple.

As websites such as Facebook, Twitter and Google+ continue to flourish, the development of online communities and conversations have become very important to organizations, companies and other entities with a body of supporters.  Understanding "the beat" and gathering instant feedback positions an organization to respond in a way that keeps its biggest supporters engaged. 

With this beat come the cyber idiots who instantly have a larger audience to influence and the perception of anonymity that comes with an online profile.  As an administrator of a few social network communities, I've had to address the cyber idiot a few times.  When I first began administering the online communities, I was told by many peers that reactions to cyber idiots from other community members would "self-police" the community.  While this happens sometimes, I have found the opposite to be true the majority of the time.  The actions of cyber idiots are usually not confronted.

So whose responsibility is it to confront a cyber idiot?  Or even a cyber bully? I would argue that both the members of the community and the online administrator(s) bear the responsibility to tackle the issue. To minimize the negative effect, and even harm, that cyber idiots can have on a community, the following five steps can be used as a guideline for fellow community members and online community administrators.

A 5-Step Plan to Address or Confront the Cyber Idiot

1) Pick your poisons — Online community members and administrators must know the audience that is engaged online in a particular community.  The predictability for successful confrontation with cyber idiots decreases as the size of the community increases.  It increases as the loyalty of the community members increases.  For example, confronting a cyber idiot within a community of 20,000 members of the same fraternity is much easier than facing a cyber idiot within a community of 35 million Justin Bieber fans. Also, it's important to carefully identify the comments that should be addressed.  Remember, free speech is free speech.  Comments that you do not agree with do not merit confrontation.  On the other hand, comments that offend and are harmful to a community should be addressed.

2) Don't fuel the fire — Whatever you do, do not fuel the fire by responding harshly or sarcastically in a public manner.  This is tough to do, but resist.  Odds are, the cyber idiot is looking for an argument and wants other community members to be his audience.  More eyes = More influence.  A better approach is to...

3) Send your thoughts privately — Both community members and administrators can take this approach.  The message is a little different depending on the author, and a message from a fellow community member is more effective than from an administrator. Nonetheless, both can be effective. 

For example, a sample message could look like this:

Dear _____, I am a fellow member/administrator of the _____ online community and wanted to respond to your most recent comment in regards to ______.  I understand that everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I have to admit, I was taken aback by your comment.  I would encourage you to learn more about _____ by visiting this link _____.  Also, there are many opportunities to learn more about the progress of the organization by attending ______.  As a fellow community member/administrator for ______, I am obligated to lookout for the well-being of the community and help create a positive experience for fellow members.  I'd encourage you to call me at _______ if you want to chat through things. 

4) If the problem persists, confront publically with class — As with any type of confrontation, if a one-on-one confrontation does not work, you may have to show the individual that there are others who feel the same way.  Sometimes, a private message will not stop a cyber idiot/bully from furthering his agenda online.  If this is the case, he might need to see that there are others who do not appreciate his comments.  This approach can be effective if done right, but detrimental and very harmful if not.

An individual community member could simply post, "I do not agree with _____'s comment." Hopefully, this will cause others who feel the same way to "like" or further comment in support  of your comment.  You've given those who are less likely to confront the individual the  opportunity to support  the comment's opposition in a way that does not continue an argument.

For community administrators, this approach is a little riskier.  Some argue that administrators  should let the conversation play out with its members.  While true, I also believe that  administrators have the obligation to stick up for the truth and well-being of the community.   Once again, it's all about approach, and a cool, calm and collective one will reassure community  members that you stand firm for the truth and the well-being of the community.

5) Remove him when necessary — If all else fails, the administrator is better off removing the individual from the online community than letting him continue to have a negative effect.  Of course, this is only possible when a member of a group or listserv (not possible on general Facebook posts).  When doing so, a message should be sent to the individual who is being removed explaining the reasons for the decision. You've given the individual the opportunity to change his behavior and have held him accountable for not reacting to this request.

Simply put, we all have the opportunity to become an Every|Day Hero to others by confronting those who deliberately try to ruin our online experience with our favorite organizations, companies and brands.  Ignoring the cyber idiots and bullies of the world will ultimately dilute the value of our online experience and possibly cause harm to others.

Steve Good is the Founder & CEO of GrassrootGive, LLC and is the Director of Communications & Iron Phi for Phi Delta Theta International Fraternity.  You can learn more about Steve here.

Being Bullied

• Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
• Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry
• Has unexplained injuries
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
• Has changes in eating habits
• Hurts themselves
• Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
• Runs away from home
• Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends
• Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers
• Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
• Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home
• Talks about suicide
• Feels helpless
• Often feels like they are not good enough
• Blames themselves for their problems
• Suddenly has fewer friends
• Avoids certain places
• Acts differently than usual

Bullying Others

• Becomes violent with others
• Gets into physical or verbal  fights with others
• Gets sent to the principal's office or detention a lot
• Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained
• Is quick to blame others
• Will not accept responsibility for their actions
• Has friends who bully others
• Needs to win or be best at everything

In order to see or hear these warning signs, you must be present and aware of what is happening around you.  And, be prepared and ready to take appropriate and timely actions to intervene against bullying.  

We have seen so many situation involving bullying where someone needed a hero — someone to notice the warning signs and take the actions to keep the child, or even adult, safe and protected.  

Note: this valuable information is part of the StopBullying.gov website - you can find more information there.  

It's important not to be a bystander. Hear me loud and clear.

But — like most things — refusing to be a bystander and confronting others should be done in moderation and with the use of your good judgment. If you confront absolutely everything you see that worries you, you will officially become your organization's biggest pain in the ass.

And nobody likes a pain in the ass.

People go out of their way to avoid a pain in the ass.

When you see someone smacking around his girlfriend, getting ready to drive drunk, skipping a week of class, doing drugs, not paying their part, stealing your professor's Adderall, sporting a culturally or racially-insensitive Halloween costume, urinating on the chancellor's Mercedes, hooking up with a serial killer, or wearing polka dots with stripes — OK, confront right now. Seriously bad decisions require immediate confrontation.

When there's danger — when your gut tells you it's a crisis situation — you need to act.

Somewhere in all this talk of bystander behavior, though, some have begun to suggest that immediate confrontation, regardless of the circumstances, is always the right thing to do. Confront every single thing you see that you think is wrong, they say. Your conscience and your mouth must simultaneously engage. I respectfully disagree.

Don't become that person who confronts anything and everything, all the time, on a moment's notice. Ask yourself, at what point does becoming a superhero in the fight against bystander behavior make you a pariah? At what point are you rendering yourself completely useless as a leader because no one wants to be within 100 feet of you, lest they be confronted about something?

Pick your battles. You can't confront absolutely everything, and nor should you. Plain and simple. If you've gotten to this point as a leader, then I hope you have some measure of good judgement. Use it.

If something is scary or terribly wrong, act immediately. If it's an annoying pattern, you might want to pick your moment, and it might be after you've spent a little time strategizing about the best way to approach things.

Most of the time, confrontation as a leadership skill is not an impulse behavior.

Do not misunderstand me. I'm all for confronting the smaller things, too: continuous silly lies, missed deadlines, burping at the dinner table, voting Republican. I had an intern who yawned with an uncovered mouth while I was talking to her at least once a day, and something finally needed to be said.

But you don't go off half cocked every time something annoys you.

Oh, and definitely don't become one of those people who feels the need to turn every difference of opinion into a huge confrontation. Delivering a self-righteous lecture about values every time you don't agree with a group decision makes you annoying. Demanding to know why you weren't invited to someone's birthday party — in the name of "refusing to be a bystander" — makes you pathetic.

Learning to confront, and refusing to be a bystander, is an important leadership lesson. Knowing how to use good judgment, however, is an even more important one.

Note: this post is a re-print from TJ's blog — you can visit it here.